The past 24 hours have been the definition of "bittersweet" for me. On one hand, I never thought I would still be here for Mother's Day so I felt very blessed to be able to have this time with my mom and dad, the three musketeers on the loose! On the other hand, today is Kieran and my 1 month wedding anniversary and we're still separated by immigration.
(Here's me and my beautiful mom just a month ago on a very happy occasion!)
Well I think I speak for my mom when I say we had a lovely Mother's Day together! The three of us drove to Frederick for the day. As the country scenery flew by our window, we jammed out to Taylor Swift tunes. We did what mom and I love best--shopping! My mom got a Movado watch that she has wanted for a long time and we spent a great deal of the time in the bookstore...AKA mom's second home. We got some children's books for my cousin's baby on the way and bonded over chatting about our favorite childhood tales. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood were reading stories with my mom! It was nice to reminisce. I'm grateful that I could see my mom's reaction to my flowers and card and was able to give her a nice day together.
On the other hand, I'm still apart from my heart. Today is 3 weeks and 14 business days from when I received confirmation that my spouse settlement visa was received. Every single day is absolute agony. The waiting is killing me. It's so hard on the both of us. Trust me, Kieran and I are no strangers to long distance, we've been doing this for nearly 5 years now. But this particular experience definitely measures up there with the worst. I think it's because:
A) We have no control over when the separation will end. I can't just hop on a plane, I have no passport.
B) We're married now and we're not able to live like a married couple. We thought marriage was gonna end this nonsense and yet we're still apart. I hate not being able to be there to do wifey things and contribute financially!
C) Both of our lives are on hold. I'm not working because I thought I would be in the UK getting a job by now and Kieran's living in a half furnished apartment cause we're not there together to set it up properly.
I wish we could go back to this happier time...
It just feels like a horrible injustice right now.
I feel guilty sometimes for being such a sour puss about this situation when I know there are loads of couples who have it way worse. I'm very fortunate that although Kieran is far away, he's not in a war and at least I know he's safe. I am very lucky that I'm not having to worry about children and how this affects them. I am so so blessed that I have my parents here who are supporting me emotionally and financially by letting me stay with them rent free until I can finally move to England. It could be so much worse, I know. I just can't help feeling sorry for myself anyway.
I just miss my man and I'm devastated that our first month of marriage wasn't what we thought it would be and that I'm missing out on this time together.
Well I guess I should get out of my pajamas and do some chores. At least it will fill a few hours and I desperately need to do laundry, I am fresh out of undies...noooo!
Thanks for reading,
A
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